Urban Survival Tip #1: Water Coolers

Greetings, and welcome to the first of what I hope won't be a long series of urban survival tips. Today's tip is about the multi-function use of water coolers.

Water coolers, those refrigerated water dispensers long delegated to the office are quite useful appliances. They are much more than a social gathering place for you and your fellow cow orkers to gather and discuss important topics (also known as bullshit or gossip).

Here is a brief list of uses for these machines...

1. Source of chilled water for refreshment and re-hydration.
2. Source of room temperature water for cooling down overly hot drinks.
3. Source of hot water for making hot beverages.
4. Source of hot water for making ramen and other non-beer survival foods.
5. Source of hot water for bathing.
6. Nearly endless source of little paper cups.
7. Some models feature a little refrigerator which is useful for food storage (read: beer)
8. Refrigerator coils (assume a proper water cooler, not a thermal electric cooler model) provide some heat to the cooler office area.
9. Emptied water jug is useful for storage of some small items or liquids.
10. Emptied water jug can be used in the production of some fermented beverages (read: mead, "hard" cider, wine)
11. Emptied water jugs can be used as a simple defensive weapon.
12. Emptied water jugs can be used for signaling or drumming.
13. Emptied water jugs can be used as a source of entertainment (read: office chair bowling).

According to legend, MacGuiver could could turn a water cooler into an attack helicopter. Meanwhile, Chuck Norris could roundhouse kick one and turn it into a full color laser print center.

So, there we go.