Ok, first a little back story. At Loyola, students call the tendency to be bounced from office to office to office ... in order to get something signed or otherwise submitted or done the "Loyola Bounce". Usually, the Loyola Bounce will send a student to no less than 8 offices before they will get what they need done. On a particularly bad bounce, someone will be forced to make frantic calls or send emails to a staff member who will (ideally) respond (at some time, hopefully, if the phase of the moon is right and the proper blood sacrifice had been made...) with some information (usually wrong or vague, or both) which will help the student get what they need (usually at this point, the student has started to draw up plans of armed rebellion against the machine...).
In the good old days, the Loyola Bounce could mean being bounced between multiple buildings and multiple campuses. Average distances covered during the various quests in these ancient Loyola Bounces could reach well into a 6+ mile (administrative) hell march. And yes, we did have to face a gate keeper with questions three. Back during those days, student losses were high. But the survivors tended to become stronger... or something like that.
Now, the administration (read: those bastards, the keepers of the red tape, the ominous "they" who upon mentioning will cause the average Loyola student to projectile vomit...) made an announcement that the creation of the new Student "Service" Centre, the "Hub", formerly the Sullivan Science Library, has put a total end to the Loyola Bounce. Rumors have circulated that they held a funeral ceremony for the Bounce.
Anyways, let us move on...
So, on Wednesday, I decided it was time for me to do the unthinkable. Yes, it was time for me to submit my request to be promoted to Graduate Student Emeritus. For you non-edumacation folks, it was time for me to submit the paperwork to apply for graduation from graduate school.
My starting point for this exercise is the Granada Center. For you new Loyola Students, don't be mistaken to call this building "Fordham Hall". Fordham is the dorm which is attached to Granada Center. Granada Center is the rest of the building.
Anyways, from Granada, I walked to the Student "Service" Centre in order to pay the Bursar (also known as "those trolls", or more affectionately "the department of making me broke") the graduation fee (read: not a bribe) and to get a special stamp (made from the bones of undergraduates who died on one of the Bounce quests of old, inked with the tears of 1000 graduate assistants...) which indicates to the Graduate School that your account is paid in full. This fee is $75, and ideally should (in theory) be the last damn fee you (theoretically) pay Loyola.
From the Student "Service" Centre, I had to walk back to Granada. Unfortunately the Student "Service" Centre, which is supposed to be a "one stop shop" for students does not include the Graduate School. Anyways, after a brief elevator ride to the 4th floor, I was on my way to the kingdom of he Graduate School.
I entered the inner sanctum and immediately was greeted by a sign which read "Please ring bell for service!"
"Ding!!!"Yes, ringing that bell was the highlight of my day. To be honest, I wanted to ring that bell a few times as it was so satisfying to hear it ring out into the abyss... A clerk greeted me and immediately told me that this was not the place of form submission I was looking for, and that I needed to visit another office located around the corner.
*SHIT, THE BOUNCE HAS RETURNED!* So, I went to that office. Upon entering that office, I was told that this was not the place of form submission I was looking for, and that I needed to visit another office located a few doors down.
*SHIT, THE BOUNCE HAS ME!* Upon entering that office, I was told that this was not the place of form submission I was looking for, and that I needed to visit another office located a few doors back and to the left, but if I saw the copier I went too far.
*BOUNCE!* Upon entering that office, I was told that this was not the place of form submission I was looking for, and that I needed to visit another adjacent to the mens room.
*BOUNCE.* Upon entering that office, I was told that this was not the place of form submission I was looking for, and that I needed to visit the office of some person who they don't personally know, but should be able to help me. It was located somewhere, but they don't know where, so I need to ask the clerk again.
*BOUNCE, again.* Upon finding and entering that office, I was told that this was not the place of form submission I was looking for, and that I needed to visit another office located a few doors to the left.
*BOUNCE.* Upon entering that office, I was told that this was not the place of form submission I was looking for, and that I needed to visit another office located near the elevator.
*BOUNCE.* Upon entering that office, I was told that this was not the place of form submission I was looking for, and that I needed to deposit the form in the mailbox of someone, and that mailbox is located in main office area.
So, I deposited the form in the mailbox. 7 years of university (Undergrad and Graduate studies combined) ends not with human contact, fanfare, and paperwork, but with the sound of a piece of paper hitting an empty metal bin. I think I need a hug and a cup of tea!
Fast forward to Thursday morning... I get a form email from the graduate school...
Dear Graduate Student,
Your application to receive a degree in December 2008 has been received by the Graduate School office.
All students will receive written notification in December 2008 as to whether or not their degrees will be conferred. Due to the great number of students receiving degrees, we would be grateful if you refrained from inquiring by phone or email about the status of your application to receive a degree.
I sure as hell better have my degree conferred!
